Friday, April 13, 2007

another late night

Whew. The end of another long day. I can't seem to get myself to bed before 1am. Tomorrow is going to be especially hard since we have a 9am appointment with our future pediatrician.

We stayed busy all day taking care of our girls and getting some home stuff done too. It has been very difficult trying to find that balance between home stuff, taking care of the girls, and rest. We haven't found that balance yet. It's better than it was a couple of days ago but we still have to find some balance. I'm sure every first-time parents go through something like this but I feel like it is a little more difficult for us since our girls are at still at the hospital, and probably will be for another month or so.

I'll have to blog some more thoughts on that later. It's difficult to come up with ....I can't even finish that sentence I'm so tired. I've been staring at the computer for 5 minutes and the words just aren't coming, so I'll move on. You know what I mean.

I had a weird moment today. I'm sure it's the lack of sleep, the stress, the dog, the girls, worrying about Lisa, finances, etc etc etc but I had a legitimate panic attack today while I was holding one of the girls. It was actually quite scary. I used to have panic attacks pretty frequently in college and for a couple of years after and even took Paxil to help keep me sane. I waned myself of Paxil about 3 years ago and really hadn't had an attack since...until today.

I'm not even sure while I'm sharing this because I know some people from my office may read this and this may be a little too personal but I've been using this blog as my release so I'm going to release a little tonight. That was a run-on sentence by the way.

What's really scary about the panic attack today was I was holding Kaitlyn when it came on. I didn't have an escape and honestly thought I was going to pass out in the chair with my 3 1/2 pound baby girl in my arm. I slowed down my breathing but I could feel my heart trying to beat out of my chest. It really was not a fun moment.

Lisa recognized what was happening and helped me calm back down and get past it but that certainly isn't something I want to repeat.

Again, I don't know why I'm sharing. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, it was just another reality check today that my body isn't coping very well.

Back to happy thoughts....

Lisa's milk production has increased every day which is GREAT. The girls are off the formula and drink as much of the milk as Lisa can produce. They are too young to breast feed which is why Lisa has to pump every 2 to 3 hours. I've said this from the beginning, I do not envy her.

After I blogged earlier this evening, the docs came around to do their rounds and told the nurse to go ahead and take Alyssa off of her IV too after her 4am feeding. So by the time Lisa and I go in to see them, they will both have on pretty outfits and will be much easier to move around without the IVs hanging off of their arms or legs.

Finally, the pics. I always post them last because I figured nobody would read if I posted the pics first.

ONE (if not the only) nice thing the hospital did for us after the girls were born....a congrats cake. We just got around to eating it tonight.

It's hard to tell but Katy (on the left) is spooning Alyssa. That's her left arm over Alyssa's shoulder. It was pretty sweet.

Later in the afternoon, we found them all cuddled close with their hands intertwined.

This is me putting Katy's first outfit on. You may notice it too but you can tell how small the girls are compared to my hands.

Another shot to show their size. This is Alyssa being held by our nurse on her way back to the isolette. They lost a few ounces after they were born but are now gaining again. They are both close to 3 pounds, 7.5 ounces.

Andy finally, Katy waiting in the isolette by herself in her first outfit.

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